Cultivate Self-Worth: Tips to Enhance Self-Esteem
As a therapist licensed in both Oklahoma City and Dallas, I’ve worked with many individuals navigating anxiety, depression, and trauma - all of which can deeply impact self-esteem. Self-esteem is more than just feeling good about yourself, it’s the foundation of how you view your worth, navigate relationships, and face life’s challenges. When we have healthy self-esteem, we’re better equipped to cope with setbacks, pursue our goals, and maintain emotional well-being. But when self-esteem is low, it can quietly erode our confidence, relationships, and overall quality of life.
What Is Self-Esteem?
Self-esteem refers to the thoughts and feelings we have about ourselves. It encompasses how much we value ourselves, how competent and capable we believe we are, and how much we respect who we are as a person. In simple terms, self-esteem is your internal sense of worthiness.
There are two main types of self-esteem:
Healthy (High) Self-Esteem: You feel generally positive about yourself, acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses, and are able to accept both praise and constructive criticism.
Low Self-Esteem: You may doubt your abilities, feel inadequate or unworthy, and have a persistent inner critic that tells you you’re not good enough.
It’s important to note that self-esteem exists on a spectrum and it can fluctuate depending on life circumstances, stress levels, relationships, or past experiences.
What Causes Low Self-Esteem?
Low self-esteem doesn’t come out of nowhere. It usually develops over time and is shaped by a combination of experiences, beliefs, and messages, many of which may have occurred early in life. Some common contributing factors include:
1. Childhood Experiences
Constant criticism, neglect, or lack of emotional support from caregivers
Bullying or being compared to others (especially siblings or peers)
Pressure to be perfect or meet unrealistic standards
2. Negative Core Beliefs
Internalized thoughts like “I’m unlovable,” “I’m not smart enough,” or “I don’t matter” can become ingrained and shape how we interpret situations.
3. Social Comparison
In the age of social media, it’s easy to compare ourselves to curated images of others’ lives. These comparisons can lead to feelings of inadequacy or inferiority.
4. Trauma or Abuse
Emotional, physical, or sexual abuse can deeply affect how someone sees themselves and their worth.
5. Failure or Rejection
Academic struggles, relationship breakups, or being passed over for opportunities can reinforce self-doubt, especially if a person already has fragile self-esteem.
The Consequences of Low Self-Esteem
When self-esteem is low, it doesn’t just affect how you feel about yourself, it also impacts how you live. People with low self-esteem may:
Avoid challenges due to fear of failure
Stay in unhealthy or toxic relationships
Struggle with anxiety or depression
Engage in self-sabotaging behaviors
Over-apologize or minimize their needs
Have difficulty accepting compliments or positive feedback
Over time, this can create a self-fulfilling cycle. When you believe you’re not worthy or capable, you may stop trying, leading to fewer accomplishments or deeper isolation, which reinforces those negative beliefs.
The Good News: Self-Esteem Can Be Rebuilt
Self-esteem is not fixed, it’s something that can be nurtured and strengthened over time. Like any skill, it takes practice, patience, and persistence. Here are some evidence-based tips and strategies to help you cultivate self-worth and boost your self-esteem:
1. Practice Self-Care Regularly
Self-care isn’t just a luxury, it’s a fundamental way to reinforce your self-worth. When you consistently care for your body, mind, and spirit, you're telling yourself: “I am valuable and deserving of care.” That message, repeated through small daily actions, can begin to reshape how you see yourself.
Physical self-care: Nurture Your Body Like Someone You Love
Sleep: Aim for 7–9 hours of sleep per night. Try winding down with a calming bedtime routine - turn off screens an hour before bed, dim the lights, and listen to soothing music or practice deep breathing.
Nutrition: Choose meals that are both nourishing and enjoyable. Instead of restrictive diets, focus on adding more whole foods, hydration, and regular meals to keep your energy stable.
Movement: Find movement you enjoy, not just exercise for weight or appearance. Whether it's walking, dancing, stretching, or yoga, consistent movement can improve your mood and help you feel more connected to your body.
Emotional self-care: Create Space for Your Inner World
Journaling: Write freely about your thoughts and feelings. You don’t need to filter, just let it out. This can help you recognize patterns and begin to release inner criticism.
Talking to someone you trust: Sometimes, just being heard by a friend, partner, or therapist can be incredibly validating.
Mindful rest: Give yourself permission to rest without guilt. Whether that means taking a nap, stepping away from social media, or spending a quiet moment with a cup of tea, resting is not a weakness, it’s a form of emotional regulation and resilience.
Joyful self-care: Make Time for What Lights You Up
Hobbies: Revisit activities you once loved, or explore something new - painting, gardening, baking, photography, knitting, or learning a musical instrument.
Nature: Spend time outdoors if you can. Even a few minutes a day in sunlight or green spaces can reduce stress and improve self-esteem.
Creativity and play: Sing in the car. Dance in your kitchen. Try something silly. Joy doesn’t have to be productive, it just has to feel good.
2. Challenge Negative Self-Talk
Our inner voice can shape the way we see ourselves, influence our mood, and impact our choices. For those struggling with low self-esteem, that inner voice often becomes harsh, critical, and unrelenting. It might sound like:
“You’re so stupid.”
“Why would anyone like you?”
“You always mess things up.”
“You’ll never succeed.”
Over time, this kind of self-talk can wear down your confidence and reinforce the belief that you’re not good enough. But here's the good news: your inner voice is not fixed. It can be retrained.
Step 1: Notice the Negative Voice
Start by building awareness. Pay attention to the way you talk to yourself, especially in moments of stress, failure, or vulnerability. Keep a small journal or notes app where you can jot down common negative thoughts. You might begin to see patterns - recurring messages or themes that reveal how you view yourself.
Step 2: Ask Reflective Questions
When you catch a self-critical thought, pause and ask yourself:
Would I say this to someone I love?
Imagine saying it to a friend who was struggling. If it sounds cruel or unfair, it probably is.Is this 100% true or just a feeling?
Sometimes our thoughts feel true because they’re familiar, not because they’re based on facts.What evidence supports or challenges this thought?
For example, if you think, “I always fail,” look for examples that prove otherwise.What would be a more helpful or compassionate response?
Try rephrasing it. Instead of, “I’m a failure,” say, “This didn’t go the way I hoped, but I can learn from it.”
Step 3: Create a Self-Compassionate Script
To make this easier, come up with a few supportive phrases you can repeat when you’re feeling low. For example:
“I’m doing the best I can right now, and that’s enough.”
“Everyone makes mistakes, this doesn’t define me.”
“I have value, even when things don’t go perfectly.”
You can even write these on sticky notes and place them where you'll see them - on your mirror, desk, or phone lock screen.
Step 4: Practice Daily
Like building a muscle, changing your self-talk takes practice. You may not believe the new thoughts at first and that’s okay. The goal isn’t to become blindly optimistic, but to be fair, kind, and truthful with yourself.
Even just pausing and questioning a critical thought is progress. Over time, those small shifts can lead to a major change in how you view yourself.
3. Set Goals That Build Self-Worth (and Actually Stick)
Setting and achieving goals isn’t just about productivity, it’s about proving to yourself that you’re capable, resourceful, and worthy of progress. When your self-esteem is low, even small successes can feel out of reach. That’s why it’s important to start gently and intentionally.
1. Start Small (and Set Yourself Up for Success)
Choose one or two short-term, low-pressure goals that feel manageable with your current energy and resources. These aren’t meant to impress anyone else, they’re meant to gently reintroduce you to your own ability to follow through.
Examples:
Take a 10-minute walk each morning.
Spend 5 minutes journaling or reflecting before bed.
Set a timer and declutter one small area (a drawer, your inbox, your car).
These tiny wins matter. They create momentum and begin to shift the narrative in your mind from “I never follow through” to “I can do this.”
2. Choose Goals That Align With Your Values
When your goals reflect what you care about, not just what you think you should do they carry more meaning and are more likely to stick.
Ask yourself:
What matters most to me right now - connection, creativity, self-care, stability?
What’s something small I could do this week to live more in line with that value?
Examples:
If connection matters: Text a friend to set up a coffee or phone chat.
If self-care matters: Schedule a screen-free hour before bed to unwind.
If growth matters: Spend 20 minutes learning something new or revisiting a creative hobby.
Goals with purpose are easier to commit to and they help you feel more like yourself.
3. Track Progress and Celebrate Along the Way
It’s easy to downplay your progress or forget how far you’ve come. That’s why it helps to keep track of your efforts in a way that works for you. This could be a journal, planner, notes app, or even a sticker chart, whatever feels motivating, not overwhelming.
Tips:
Make it visual - checkmarks, stickers, or simple lists can reinforce your success.
Reflect weekly on what felt good, what was hard, and what you learned.
Celebrate your wins! No matter how small. Progress is progress.
Even when goals aren’t completed perfectly, the act of showing up builds self-trust. And over time, these small acts accumulate into a deeper belief: “I am capable. I can do hard things. I can take care of myself.”
4. Surround Yourself with Supportive People
The people around you have a huge impact on how you see yourself. If your environment is filled with criticism, judgment, or emotional neglect, your self-esteem will suffer.
Spend more time with people who uplift, encourage, and accept you.
Seek out supportive communities, whether through therapy groups, online forums, or shared-interest meetups.
Set boundaries with toxic relationships or limit your exposure when possible.
Being seen and valued by others can help you start seeing your own worth more clearly.
5. Learn Something New
When you learn a new skill, you’re not just building competence, you’re building confidence. Whether it’s painting, learning a language, gardening, or taking a course in something you care about, the process of growth reminds you that you’re capable of change and improvement.
New learning can also:
Foster curiosity and a growth mindset
Break the cycle of negative self-focus
Offer a sense of mastery and fulfillment
You don’t need to be perfect, just willing to try.
6. Cultivate Self-Compassion
Self-compassion means treating yourself with the same kindness you’d offer to a struggling friend. According to researcher Dr. Kristin Neff, self-compassion has three key components:
Self-kindness: Being gentle with yourself, especially during difficult times
Common humanity: Recognizing that everyone makes mistakes and struggles, it’s part of being human
Mindfulness: Acknowledging your feelings without exaggerating or suppressing them
Try writing yourself a compassionate letter when you’re going through something hard. Or pause and ask, “What do I need right now?” This kind of emotional attunement can shift your inner world over time.
7. Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection
Perfectionism is often a symptom of low self-esteem. You may feel like nothing you do is ever good enough or that you need to constantly prove your worth. But chasing perfection only reinforces the belief that your value is conditional.
Instead, shift your focus toward progress. Ask yourself:
What did I do well today?
What am I learning about myself?
How have I grown in the past month or year?
Acknowledging growth, even in small ways, helps rewire your brain to notice strengths instead of flaws.
8. Let Go of Comparison
Comparing yourself to others is one of the fastest ways to damage your self-esteem. Whether it’s someone else’s body, career, relationship, or lifestyle, the truth is: You’re only seeing part of the story.
Try to redirect comparison by:
Limiting time on social media or curating your feed
Focusing on your personal values and what matters to you
Practicing gratitude for what you do have or appreciate about yourself
Remember, your journey is unique. You’re not behind, you’re simply on your path.
9. Do Things That Reflect Your Values
When your actions align with your values, your self-respect grows. Ask yourself:
What do I care about deeply?
What kind of person do I want to be?
What choices reflect who I truly am?
Living in integrity, whether it’s being honest, helping others, or standing up for yourself reinforces your sense of identity and worth.
10. Seek Professional Support in Oklahoma City & Dallas When Needed
Sometimes, self-help strategies aren’t enough, especially if low self-esteem is rooted in trauma, chronic depression, or deeply entrenched beliefs. Working with a licensed therapist can help you:
Understand the origins of low self-esteem
Process painful experiences
Challenge and reframe negative beliefs
Build coping skills and emotional regulation tools
Therapy provides a safe space to explore your inner world and gradually develop a healthier, more compassionate view of yourself.
What Healthy Self-Esteem Looks Like
Healthy self-esteem is not arrogance or narcissism, it’s a balanced, compassionate understanding of your worth. It means you know you're valuable, even when you make mistakes. You can accept praise without deflecting. You can stand up for yourself without guilt.
Here’s how it might show up in your life:
You set boundaries without apology.
You speak kindly to yourself, even when things go wrong.
You acknowledge your strengths without minimizing them.
You believe you are worthy of love, respect, and care, just for being you.
Final Thoughts: You Are Worth the Effort
Improving your self-esteem doesn’t happen overnight but every small step matters. By showing up for yourself, questioning old narratives, and cultivating habits that affirm your worth, you begin to rewrite the story you tell yourself.
You don’t have to be flawless to be worthy. You are already enough as you are. And you deserve to live a life filled with confidence, connection, and self-respect.
Ready to Strengthen Your Self-Esteem?
If you’ve been struggling with low self-worth, you don’t have to navigate it on your own. In therapy, we’ll work together to gently uncover the roots of self-doubt, challenge negative beliefs, help you reconnect with your strengths, and build a more compassionate relationship with yourself.
Whether you're in Dallas or Oklahoma City, if you’re curious about how therapy could support your journey, I invite you to schedule a free consultation with me, Linda Chi. We’ll talk about what you’re experiencing, what you hope to change, and whether we’d be a good fit to work together.
